Eric Poulin

Posts Tagged ‘broken heart’

Church services used to be very different. Back in the day, we’d gather on a Saturday in a synagogue to hear the priest read from the Old Testament prophets. But, our main worship was done at another time and was not even done by us. We’d have to go to a local market and buy a goat or some other prescribed animal and bring the goat to the temple where an Aaronic Priesthood holder would slaughter the goat on our behalf according to a specific ritual – making sacrifice on our behalf. This sacrifice was how we showed our true devotion to God.

When I was growing up as a young man and received the Aaronic Priesthood, I remember thinking how great it was that we don’t do that anymore!

When the Savior came, he brought in a higher law. In 3rd Nephi, Jesus teaches:

19 And ye shall offer up unto me no more the shedding of blood; yea, your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall be done away, for I will accept none of your sacrifices and your burnt offerings.

20 And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost

(3 Nephi 9:19-20)

As a young man I remember thinking “Wow, we have things WAY easier. A broken heart and a contrite spirit seems so much easier and better than slaughtering goats.”

As I got older, however, I began to wonder more about it. First, I wondered why God would want me to have a broken heart. I mean, as I went through my teenage years, I experienced a broken heart many times through personal disappointments and while dating. Having a broken heart is not a pleasant feeling. It didn’t make sense to me that God would want me to feel like that. Afterall, 2 Nephi 2:25 says “Men are that they might have joy.”, right?

I became confused with what appeared to be contradictory scriptures.

However, I had learned early, probably from working through computer problems, that confusion usually means I need to be persistant, give sustained thought and get a good helping of revelation to overcome it. Either that, or you can give up and remain confused and tell yourself it’s not worth the effort to figure out. But… I figured that giving up was the best way to remain ignorant of greater understanding, and I didn’t want that for myself, so I determined to learn more.

As a quick side note — I’m always surprised by people who give up way too early in their thinking/learning – especially in the gospel. There’s a reason we’ve been told to study the scriptures… not just read them. Studying essentially means critical reading and asking the right questions. We can’t receive answers if we don’t ask questions. You’ll note that many of the revelations that Joseph Smith received in the D & C are answers to questions he asked while studying/translating the scriptures. I’m definitely not the poster-boy for great scripture study, but when I do apply that principle, my understanding increases.

Anyway… you’ll recall I was feeling confused about why God would want me to have a broken heart. So…. I went to the manuals. But most of them talked about feeling sorrow for sin as part of the repentance process – so for many years I left it at that… realizing that repentance was an ongoing process, so it kinda made sense. I knew God wanted me to repent and of course I’d feel bad for my sins.

But part of me felt like there must be more. If a broken heart and a contrite spirit were to be my personal sacrifice to the Lord and evidence of my worship, there had to be some kind of positive way to do so. As I looked at the Apostles and church leaders I thought – there’s no way these people are feeling broken hearted all the time – they look happy and positive. I must be missing something.

Then it came to me. It came, as a matter of fact, while I was preparing a lesson on having a broken heart and a contrite spirit for young Aaronic Priesthood holders. I remember thinking I can’t leave these amazing young men in the same conundrum I was in growing up. I began look at the words a little differently.

Broken Heart.

I remembered hearing about a horse being broken – probably an obscure reference in some movie. I looked it up. Turns out that, as many of you know, breaking a horse is the process of making it rideable or useful for work. In horse training, “breaking” is synonymous with training. It’s a long process that teaches the horse respect for the trainer line upon line, precept upon precept. The idea is that the trainer takes a wild horse and breaks its will so it matches that of its trainer. Once a horse is trained, it is deemed as having been broken… in this case being broken is a good thing – it’s trained and ready for use.

When we present a broken heart as a sacrifice to the Lord, it is not sadness or sorrow that we offer… it is our will that we subject to His will. It is our willingness to do what the Lord wants – our willingness to let the things of righteousness supercede the natural man – it’s us bending our will to become holy.

All of a sudden, the repentance process became much more to me than a sorry feeling for my sins and just trying to not do them anymore… it was a process of becoming Godly.

It’s amazing to think that one of God’s greatest gifts to us is our free will – our agency, and what does he require of us? He requires that we subject that gift to Him so that we can be trained and made useful instead of remaining as wild souls that roam the plains and graze our lives away – never making much of a meaningful contribution.

With this understanding, offering a “broken heart”, one that is trained and in the process of becoming Godly)…and a contrite spirit is way harder than goat slaughtering. Now I was beginning to understand how and why this was a higher law, not an easier one.

This way of thinking is summarized by the following story:

A potter once moulded soft clay into a beautiful statue. Unfortunately, the clay cracked when it dried, leaving many weaknesses and flaws in the statue. The potter tried unsuccessfully to fill the cracks with new clay and to correct the flaws in the hardened clay. But despite his best efforts, he could not restore the beauty and grace of the original statue.

He did the only thing that can be done to hardened, cracked, and imperfect clay. He broke the statue with a hammer, pounded the hardened clay into dust, added fresh water, and began shaping a new statue.

This story helps explain why the scriptures often refer to the hard-hearted, and why the Lord requires a broken-heart. Our imperfect hearts often need to be broken down in order to be remade into a better shape.

Perhaps that what the Lord meant when he said to Ezekiel:

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

(Ezekiel 36:26-27)

So, that’s what broken means to me… and contrite goes right along with it. Contrite means repentant.

In the end, having a broken heart and a contrite spirit means being willing to change and be moulded by the Lord.

Now, sometimes I do feel sorrow and sadness as I change my ways. Often I do feel regret for poor choices I’ve made. So that old way of thinking of a broken heart can still apply, but I think it misses the mark. Most of the time I don’t feel that way. I marvel at what the Lord is changing me into as I permit that change to take place. Most of the time, my offering of a broken heart and contrite spirit is in the attitude of a willing student, anxious to learn and pass a forthcoming test.

And so, with this new understanding, I’ll pose a question to you, that will only make sense in the context of what we’ve just reviewed….

“How broken is your heart?”

Or in other words. “What’s the quality of your sacrifice?”

If the purpose of the sacrifice is to become Godly, to become changed into something more like what God would have for us, if we are simply going through the motions… it all seems like a waste of time doesn’t it?

If you take an honest look at yourself and see some cracks in your hardened-heart that are not likely to be successfully filled and repaired with new clay… maybe it’s hammer-time!

And what hammer should you use. Well, I’m fairly certain that nothing I could possibly say to you would be very practical. After all, we all have different cracks in our own hard-hearts in different places, for different reasons. What I am confident in telling you is that if you will take a few moments of introspection — that is, considering what you believe to be your own cracks… I’m sure that you’ll come up with a pretty good starting place. Then, if you begin to study the scriptures on that subject, with some questions in mind, I’m sure that the spirit will show you what you need to know. You may hit a roadblock or two, but persist past the urge to give up and and settle with a half-answer. And once you find your answer be sure to put it into practise – because all your intellectual effort will be wasted if you don’t act on your knowledge. You don’t need to be a scriptorian or particularly gifted as a student to do this – you just have to be willing. The Spirit of God is ever-willing to help mould you into a better form. You need to bring a teachable attitude and a willingness to change. You need to be willing to listen for the still small voice which will guide and direct you.

I look at the example my parents, Ed and Narda Poulin, set for me and my family. While in the comfort of their retirement, they listened to a recent General Conference address. They prioritized God’s call to service through his prophet above their own wants and desires by deciding to serve a mission. They are now in Salt Lake City, taking in the church sites and preparing to entering the Missionary Training Center this week. What you didn’t see and what I saw, was the preparations behind the scenes. The seemingly endless doctors appointments, phone calls, trips to government agencies to secure all the right papers, passport photo retakes and retakes and retakes, diligent and daily scripture study and review of the book, Preach My Gospel. And thats all just in preparation of the mission. All of this time and energy and worry invested is part of their sacrifice of a broken heart and contrite spirit. They are already great people, but I can see that the Lord is moulding them into something even more amazing.

The same is true of any missionary who serves and subjects their time and will to God, letting him direct their footsteps. The same is true of any individual who serves in a calling, or offers service even when tired or busy or has other opportunities for leisure.

What will the Lord mould you into? Maybe a more important question is… will you allow the Lord to mould you by offering His supreme gift – your will and agency – back to Him by following His commandments and serving will all your might, mind and strength?

Serving God is a choice. Repenting is a choice. Changing our ways and subjecting our will to His is a choice… a hard one that we can make. It’s a choice that brings joy and fulfillment and a lot of hard work… and yes some sorrow and sadness. But in the end, you will be fit for the kingdom of God, a beautiful spirit that can help God lift others higher and higher. That what the higher law is all about…

I bear testimony that these things are true and commend them to you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.