Eric Poulin

Posts Tagged ‘mormon talk’

Perhaps some of you don’t know this very interesting fact about me, but… there is something I am very skilled at – even more than with computers. I am an expert – at sinning.

Now, I can see by looking over the congregation that most of the perfect people have stayed home this week, so that means I can speak plainly to you who may share my skills at sinning.

I do it every day and have for most of my life. With such frequent practice at something, I’m sure you’d agree that I’ve become very good at it. I know how to hide it, disguise it, how to act like I don’t sin, and I’ve learned how to cope with the guilt that sin brings into my life.

The real dilemma I have is that… although I sin so often and although I’m so very good at it, I don’t WANT to be good at it, in fact, the opposite its true, I ACTIVELY want to NOT sin. I have my personal favorite sins, as I know you do also – and I’m not about to declare them to you… but I do want to discuss is — why is it that…. If we want to NOT sin, WHY do we continue to do it.

I mean, I’m mature person right? …and smart enough. If I make my mind up about something that I have control over, like my own behavior… why is it that I just CAN’T seem to do it (or STOP doing it, as the case may be)? This is the age old question… “How can I change myself?” How can I truly change? I do feel deep sorrow when I consider my imperfections and commit to change my ways to be more perfect, but somehow I am not perfect… somehow., I continue to sin.

To illustrate the problem better, let me describe a scenario from my past work experience.

I used to be a tech lead over a team of about 6 people – and we were often called on to debug a problem…. to find out why some complicated computer software was not doing what it was supposed to do. Several of my team members were from India and although we could communicate fine, I often found that their problem determination skills only treated symptoms of a problem instead of finding the root cause.

To put that in perspective it’s as if a patient with a virus who had a high fever went to see a doctor, and the doctor did a cursory overview and suggested the patient get air conditioning to treat the fever instead of diagnosing what was causing the fever and seeking to fix the real problem. There could be many different things causing the fever – but a good doctor knows how to narrow the potential causes down and prescribe treatment to cure the problem, not simply treat the fever and let the virus fester and multiply. I was constantly training my team at work to dig deeper – past the symptoms – and not be satisfied until they knew exactly what was causing a system problem and could figure out how to fix it. Some improved, others never quite “got it” and did not progress well in the team.

You see, I am convinced that we here – since we know of the goodness of God and the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us – that we are all on a quest to overcome sin . But, my personal experience and my experiences in Priesthood leadership have often demonstrated that we often attempt to overcome sin by treating the symptoms, instead of addressing the root cause.

How is that you may ask? Well – who among us hasn’t tried to change themselves by changing their appearance. Maybe if my hair was blonder or darker I’d be more perfect. Maybe if I just move and get out of this environment I’ll change. Maybe if my clothes were different, or if I had more money or if I were married, or single or whatever other external thing –… if only I can change that I’d stop sinning. The problem with that is… at least in my experience… its only treating the symptom. It may produce temporary change – you may be able to overcome sin for a while… but in the end, the root cause will surface again, perhaps with the same but stronger symptoms, perhaps with different symptoms… yet the virus in our soul is still there.

Forcing change like that is like fighting against a really strong habit. You can use your conscious mind to and your will to overcome anything for a while, but eventually you will become exhausted and return to your default state—back to the habit. It reminds me of the scripture from 2 Nephi 27:3, “And all the nations that fight against Zion, and that distress her, shall be as a dream of a night vision; yea, it shall be unto them, even as unto a hungry man which dreameth, and behold he eateth but he awaketh and his soul is empty; or like unto a thirsty man which dreameth, and behold he drinketh but he awaketh and behold he is faint, and his soul hath appetite; yea, even so shall the multitude of all the nations be that fight against Mount Zion.”

When we force a change by working on the symptoms or external circumstances, eventually our mind will wake up from the self-deception and our desire to overcome sin will be thwarted.

The change needed – the real treatment needs to be on the inside – in our thoughts and hearts.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said once said,  “Of what use to make heroic vows of amendment if the same old lawbreaker is to keep them?”  How many times have you said, “I’m going to change that – I’m never going to do that again.”  But you never change the inside – your self-image – your heart.  It’s the mind and heart that’s the lawbreaker, and that’s what we want to change.

To think of it another way… imagine our lives are like a movie… Our behavior – what we do, is the movie screen – but it’s just the projection. To change the movie, we don’t try to change the screen, or play the movie in a different location, or wear different clothes while playing the movie -– we go to the DVD player and change the DVD. In our lives, to change our behavior we can’t just force ourselves to act differently, we need to change the source, the way we think – our subconscious – our spirit.

Before we attempt to seriously change… we need to take a careful look at where we are. We need to be honest with ourselves and admit that we are the source of our problems. In life there are always those who look to blame anything but themselves for their circumstances… the weather, their neighbors, parents, the economy, the devil or even God. But the reality is… God allows us to choose for ourselves and the blame for our circumstances lies with ourselves.

To give an extreme example, consider this… if someone jumped off a building we wouldn’t say that the law of gravity murdered them… we’d say that they chose to ignore the law of gravity and plummeted to their death of their own choice. But so many of us are prevented from changing our ways by blaming external circumstances or people or events for our problems… we create a scenario in our minds where we are powerless to change our environment and therefore cannot change ourselves, but this is a lie we tell ourselves. This can be hard to hear sometimes, especially if our situation is unpleasant.  Even if it’s not the case that your choices have brought about your current situation, taking responsibility for it empowers you to make the changes in your life to get out of your problems.  If you are under the burden of guilt from sin… stuck… taking responsibility will empower you to make the changes necessary for growth and progress.

Once we take full responsibility for our own situation, we are ready for change. Again, what we need to change is on the inside… our heart and mind — but how exactly do we do that?

The scriptures tell us the following:

Proverbs 3:1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:

Psalms 40:8  I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.

When I was a newly called Bishop, I needed to give counsel to someone who wanted to change their heart but didn’t know how. Before I gave that advice I happened to be in a Priesthood class and asked the following question of the group, “What would you say to someone who is wanting to do the right thing, but who’s heart is not in it yet.” President Senter gave a beautiful answer. He said “I’d say that’s a good start.” He went to explain that doing the right things, even out of duty with no emotion is still better than not doing the right thing at all. The right internal motivation will come with time. Eventually, through service to others and prayer, God will soften a person’s heart and they will experience the change of heart that is referred to in the scriptures. That advice has stuck with me since – I’d like that counsel to describe me, where my heart is softened and I experience that change of heart.

Rather than my practiced sinning, here’s what I want to be like.

Mosiah 5:2  And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.

So, we know that the Spirit of the Lord is the agent of change… true change in our heart.

I love this scripture from Ezekiel.

Ezekiel 36:25 – 27 Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

It comforts me to know that the Lord can make me a new heart… one that is not only pure and clean – which I know I get from baptism and partaking of the sacrament each week, but a heart that will purge my evil nature and make me want to do good continually. And perhaps I need to seek the Lord to do this continually because even a new heart is prone to wander back to forbidden paths if left unchecked. That is what the good news of the gospel and the power of the Lord’s Atonement can do in my life. This is why constant nourishment from the good word of the Lord is so important… My new heart needs nourishment so it can remain strong enough to overpower the natural man.

Does having a new heart and a new spirit mean I won’t be tempted any more… oh no. Temptation will always be there – especially since the adversary knows my personal weaknesses… he’ll keep hammering away at it, patiently waiting for it to break. He has all the time in the world. Even with a new heart, we need to wear the armor of God to protect our new heart… and what is the amour that protects our heart? The Breastplate of Righteousness. God has equipped us with all things necessary for our salvation – all we have to do is chose the right. We can take comfort in knowing that god won’t give us any challenge we cannot overcome.

 Paul said it this way: (1 Cor 10:13)  “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

I also like how Mother Teresa put it:

I know God will not give me anything that I can’t handle.
I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.
~Mother Teresa

One of my favorite hymns is “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”, which more than a great hymn is a beautiful poem from a desperate soul yearning for the Lord to help in changing his heart.

 

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I’m come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

This song was dissected line by line by the choice director of the Missionary Training Center as he taught us to sing from the heart. Now every time I hear or sing this hymn, I remember that I too want to heart to be bound like a fetter to the Lord. Heaven knows that my heart is prone to wander, but I too would have the Lord seal it for His courts above.

I’ve come to learn that “change is not easy”… and I don’t mean to say that as a cliché, I REALLY mean it – “CHANGE IS NOT EASY”… it’s really hard. I know this from experience from constantly trying to change myself.

Another issue to consider that can sometimes stop us from taking the steps we need to overcome sin and change depression stems from the obvious fact that everyone else at church seems to getting along very well and progressing towards perfect excellently… Some people come across as having it all together… But really it’s a facade–we all struggle with the same issues trying to be people we want to be– trying to change our carnal nature.

Consider someone you think is really righteous. We all know someone in the church who is really smart or who is an excellent speaker, or just seems super spiritual – at least on Sundays. I know who I think of when I think of that type of person.  This person may appear über-knowledgeable and experienced because of their knowledge or ability to speak… But in their mind and private life they are struggling the same as you and I. No one has it all together.. We all struggle with feelings of unworthiness and wonder if we’re on the right path enough to merit the eternal reward we want. It’s not easy overcoming that persistent natural man.

Now, I’ve used the word change a lot in this talk, but we all know the gospel word for this is “repent”. We all need to do it – and not just treat the symptoms. Treat the root cause. Again. it’s not easy, but the reward is a clear conscience and knowing that your life is in harmony with God’s plan – and that my friends is a SWEET deal. If you need help or have some serious sins to recover from – make an appointment with our good Bishop. He’s one of the best men I know and God has put him in place at this time in your life to help you get where you need to be. He will love you and help you.

I’ll conclude with a modification of a well known saying that applies to us.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” – Author Unknown

May God grant us the ability to change – may he make for us a new heart and a new spirit that we may have desires to do good continually is my prayer, the name of Jesus Christ, amen.