Eric Poulin

Posts Tagged ‘repentance’

Church services used to be very different. Back in the day, we’d gather on a Saturday in a synagogue to hear the priest read from the Old Testament prophets. But, our main worship was done at another time and was not even done by us. We’d have to go to a local market and buy a goat or some other prescribed animal and bring the goat to the temple where an Aaronic Priesthood holder would slaughter the goat on our behalf according to a specific ritual – making sacrifice on our behalf. This sacrifice was how we showed our true devotion to God.

When I was growing up as a young man and received the Aaronic Priesthood, I remember thinking how great it was that we don’t do that anymore!

When the Savior came, he brought in a higher law. In 3rd Nephi, Jesus teaches:

19 And ye shall offer up unto me no more the shedding of blood; yea, your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall be done away, for I will accept none of your sacrifices and your burnt offerings.

20 And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost

(3 Nephi 9:19-20)

As a young man I remember thinking “Wow, we have things WAY easier. A broken heart and a contrite spirit seems so much easier and better than slaughtering goats.”

As I got older, however, I began to wonder more about it. First, I wondered why God would want me to have a broken heart. I mean, as I went through my teenage years, I experienced a broken heart many times through personal disappointments and while dating. Having a broken heart is not a pleasant feeling. It didn’t make sense to me that God would want me to feel like that. Afterall, 2 Nephi 2:25 says “Men are that they might have joy.”, right?

I became confused with what appeared to be contradictory scriptures.

However, I had learned early, probably from working through computer problems, that confusion usually means I need to be persistant, give sustained thought and get a good helping of revelation to overcome it. Either that, or you can give up and remain confused and tell yourself it’s not worth the effort to figure out. But… I figured that giving up was the best way to remain ignorant of greater understanding, and I didn’t want that for myself, so I determined to learn more.

As a quick side note — I’m always surprised by people who give up way too early in their thinking/learning – especially in the gospel. There’s a reason we’ve been told to study the scriptures… not just read them. Studying essentially means critical reading and asking the right questions. We can’t receive answers if we don’t ask questions. You’ll note that many of the revelations that Joseph Smith received in the D & C are answers to questions he asked while studying/translating the scriptures. I’m definitely not the poster-boy for great scripture study, but when I do apply that principle, my understanding increases.

Anyway… you’ll recall I was feeling confused about why God would want me to have a broken heart. So…. I went to the manuals. But most of them talked about feeling sorrow for sin as part of the repentance process – so for many years I left it at that… realizing that repentance was an ongoing process, so it kinda made sense. I knew God wanted me to repent and of course I’d feel bad for my sins.

But part of me felt like there must be more. If a broken heart and a contrite spirit were to be my personal sacrifice to the Lord and evidence of my worship, there had to be some kind of positive way to do so. As I looked at the Apostles and church leaders I thought – there’s no way these people are feeling broken hearted all the time – they look happy and positive. I must be missing something.

Then it came to me. It came, as a matter of fact, while I was preparing a lesson on having a broken heart and a contrite spirit for young Aaronic Priesthood holders. I remember thinking I can’t leave these amazing young men in the same conundrum I was in growing up. I began look at the words a little differently.

Broken Heart.

I remembered hearing about a horse being broken – probably an obscure reference in some movie. I looked it up. Turns out that, as many of you know, breaking a horse is the process of making it rideable or useful for work. In horse training, “breaking” is synonymous with training. It’s a long process that teaches the horse respect for the trainer line upon line, precept upon precept. The idea is that the trainer takes a wild horse and breaks its will so it matches that of its trainer. Once a horse is trained, it is deemed as having been broken… in this case being broken is a good thing – it’s trained and ready for use.

When we present a broken heart as a sacrifice to the Lord, it is not sadness or sorrow that we offer… it is our will that we subject to His will. It is our willingness to do what the Lord wants – our willingness to let the things of righteousness supercede the natural man – it’s us bending our will to become holy.

All of a sudden, the repentance process became much more to me than a sorry feeling for my sins and just trying to not do them anymore… it was a process of becoming Godly.

It’s amazing to think that one of God’s greatest gifts to us is our free will – our agency, and what does he require of us? He requires that we subject that gift to Him so that we can be trained and made useful instead of remaining as wild souls that roam the plains and graze our lives away – never making much of a meaningful contribution.

With this understanding, offering a “broken heart”, one that is trained and in the process of becoming Godly)…and a contrite spirit is way harder than goat slaughtering. Now I was beginning to understand how and why this was a higher law, not an easier one.

This way of thinking is summarized by the following story:

A potter once moulded soft clay into a beautiful statue. Unfortunately, the clay cracked when it dried, leaving many weaknesses and flaws in the statue. The potter tried unsuccessfully to fill the cracks with new clay and to correct the flaws in the hardened clay. But despite his best efforts, he could not restore the beauty and grace of the original statue.

He did the only thing that can be done to hardened, cracked, and imperfect clay. He broke the statue with a hammer, pounded the hardened clay into dust, added fresh water, and began shaping a new statue.

This story helps explain why the scriptures often refer to the hard-hearted, and why the Lord requires a broken-heart. Our imperfect hearts often need to be broken down in order to be remade into a better shape.

Perhaps that what the Lord meant when he said to Ezekiel:

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

(Ezekiel 36:26-27)

So, that’s what broken means to me… and contrite goes right along with it. Contrite means repentant.

In the end, having a broken heart and a contrite spirit means being willing to change and be moulded by the Lord.

Now, sometimes I do feel sorrow and sadness as I change my ways. Often I do feel regret for poor choices I’ve made. So that old way of thinking of a broken heart can still apply, but I think it misses the mark. Most of the time I don’t feel that way. I marvel at what the Lord is changing me into as I permit that change to take place. Most of the time, my offering of a broken heart and contrite spirit is in the attitude of a willing student, anxious to learn and pass a forthcoming test.

And so, with this new understanding, I’ll pose a question to you, that will only make sense in the context of what we’ve just reviewed….

“How broken is your heart?”

Or in other words. “What’s the quality of your sacrifice?”

If the purpose of the sacrifice is to become Godly, to become changed into something more like what God would have for us, if we are simply going through the motions… it all seems like a waste of time doesn’t it?

If you take an honest look at yourself and see some cracks in your hardened-heart that are not likely to be successfully filled and repaired with new clay… maybe it’s hammer-time!

And what hammer should you use. Well, I’m fairly certain that nothing I could possibly say to you would be very practical. After all, we all have different cracks in our own hard-hearts in different places, for different reasons. What I am confident in telling you is that if you will take a few moments of introspection — that is, considering what you believe to be your own cracks… I’m sure that you’ll come up with a pretty good starting place. Then, if you begin to study the scriptures on that subject, with some questions in mind, I’m sure that the spirit will show you what you need to know. You may hit a roadblock or two, but persist past the urge to give up and and settle with a half-answer. And once you find your answer be sure to put it into practise – because all your intellectual effort will be wasted if you don’t act on your knowledge. You don’t need to be a scriptorian or particularly gifted as a student to do this – you just have to be willing. The Spirit of God is ever-willing to help mould you into a better form. You need to bring a teachable attitude and a willingness to change. You need to be willing to listen for the still small voice which will guide and direct you.

I look at the example my parents, Ed and Narda Poulin, set for me and my family. While in the comfort of their retirement, they listened to a recent General Conference address. They prioritized God’s call to service through his prophet above their own wants and desires by deciding to serve a mission. They are now in Salt Lake City, taking in the church sites and preparing to entering the Missionary Training Center this week. What you didn’t see and what I saw, was the preparations behind the scenes. The seemingly endless doctors appointments, phone calls, trips to government agencies to secure all the right papers, passport photo retakes and retakes and retakes, diligent and daily scripture study and review of the book, Preach My Gospel. And thats all just in preparation of the mission. All of this time and energy and worry invested is part of their sacrifice of a broken heart and contrite spirit. They are already great people, but I can see that the Lord is moulding them into something even more amazing.

The same is true of any missionary who serves and subjects their time and will to God, letting him direct their footsteps. The same is true of any individual who serves in a calling, or offers service even when tired or busy or has other opportunities for leisure.

What will the Lord mould you into? Maybe a more important question is… will you allow the Lord to mould you by offering His supreme gift – your will and agency – back to Him by following His commandments and serving will all your might, mind and strength?

Serving God is a choice. Repenting is a choice. Changing our ways and subjecting our will to His is a choice… a hard one that we can make. It’s a choice that brings joy and fulfillment and a lot of hard work… and yes some sorrow and sadness. But in the end, you will be fit for the kingdom of God, a beautiful spirit that can help God lift others higher and higher. That what the higher law is all about…

I bear testimony that these things are true and commend them to you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

Perhaps some of you don’t know this very interesting fact about me, but… there is something I am very skilled at – even more than with computers. I am an expert – at sinning.

Now, I can see by looking over the congregation that most of the perfect people have stayed home this week, so that means I can speak plainly to you who may share my skills at sinning.

I do it every day and have for most of my life. With such frequent practice at something, I’m sure you’d agree that I’ve become very good at it. I know how to hide it, disguise it, how to act like I don’t sin, and I’ve learned how to cope with the guilt that sin brings into my life.

The real dilemma I have is that… although I sin so often and although I’m so very good at it, I don’t WANT to be good at it, in fact, the opposite its true, I ACTIVELY want to NOT sin. I have my personal favorite sins, as I know you do also – and I’m not about to declare them to you… but I do want to discuss is — why is it that…. If we want to NOT sin, WHY do we continue to do it.

I mean, I’m mature person right? …and smart enough. If I make my mind up about something that I have control over, like my own behavior… why is it that I just CAN’T seem to do it (or STOP doing it, as the case may be)? This is the age old question… “How can I change myself?” How can I truly change? I do feel deep sorrow when I consider my imperfections and commit to change my ways to be more perfect, but somehow I am not perfect… somehow., I continue to sin.

To illustrate the problem better, let me describe a scenario from my past work experience.

I used to be a tech lead over a team of about 6 people – and we were often called on to debug a problem…. to find out why some complicated computer software was not doing what it was supposed to do. Several of my team members were from India and although we could communicate fine, I often found that their problem determination skills only treated symptoms of a problem instead of finding the root cause.

To put that in perspective it’s as if a patient with a virus who had a high fever went to see a doctor, and the doctor did a cursory overview and suggested the patient get air conditioning to treat the fever instead of diagnosing what was causing the fever and seeking to fix the real problem. There could be many different things causing the fever – but a good doctor knows how to narrow the potential causes down and prescribe treatment to cure the problem, not simply treat the fever and let the virus fester and multiply. I was constantly training my team at work to dig deeper – past the symptoms – and not be satisfied until they knew exactly what was causing a system problem and could figure out how to fix it. Some improved, others never quite “got it” and did not progress well in the team.

You see, I am convinced that we here – since we know of the goodness of God and the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us – that we are all on a quest to overcome sin . But, my personal experience and my experiences in Priesthood leadership have often demonstrated that we often attempt to overcome sin by treating the symptoms, instead of addressing the root cause.

How is that you may ask? Well – who among us hasn’t tried to change themselves by changing their appearance. Maybe if my hair was blonder or darker I’d be more perfect. Maybe if I just move and get out of this environment I’ll change. Maybe if my clothes were different, or if I had more money or if I were married, or single or whatever other external thing –… if only I can change that I’d stop sinning. The problem with that is… at least in my experience… its only treating the symptom. It may produce temporary change – you may be able to overcome sin for a while… but in the end, the root cause will surface again, perhaps with the same but stronger symptoms, perhaps with different symptoms… yet the virus in our soul is still there.

Forcing change like that is like fighting against a really strong habit. You can use your conscious mind to and your will to overcome anything for a while, but eventually you will become exhausted and return to your default state—back to the habit. It reminds me of the scripture from 2 Nephi 27:3, “And all the nations that fight against Zion, and that distress her, shall be as a dream of a night vision; yea, it shall be unto them, even as unto a hungry man which dreameth, and behold he eateth but he awaketh and his soul is empty; or like unto a thirsty man which dreameth, and behold he drinketh but he awaketh and behold he is faint, and his soul hath appetite; yea, even so shall the multitude of all the nations be that fight against Mount Zion.”

When we force a change by working on the symptoms or external circumstances, eventually our mind will wake up from the self-deception and our desire to overcome sin will be thwarted.

The change needed – the real treatment needs to be on the inside – in our thoughts and hearts.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said once said,  “Of what use to make heroic vows of amendment if the same old lawbreaker is to keep them?”  How many times have you said, “I’m going to change that – I’m never going to do that again.”  But you never change the inside – your self-image – your heart.  It’s the mind and heart that’s the lawbreaker, and that’s what we want to change.

To think of it another way… imagine our lives are like a movie… Our behavior – what we do, is the movie screen – but it’s just the projection. To change the movie, we don’t try to change the screen, or play the movie in a different location, or wear different clothes while playing the movie -– we go to the DVD player and change the DVD. In our lives, to change our behavior we can’t just force ourselves to act differently, we need to change the source, the way we think – our subconscious – our spirit.

Before we attempt to seriously change… we need to take a careful look at where we are. We need to be honest with ourselves and admit that we are the source of our problems. In life there are always those who look to blame anything but themselves for their circumstances… the weather, their neighbors, parents, the economy, the devil or even God. But the reality is… God allows us to choose for ourselves and the blame for our circumstances lies with ourselves.

To give an extreme example, consider this… if someone jumped off a building we wouldn’t say that the law of gravity murdered them… we’d say that they chose to ignore the law of gravity and plummeted to their death of their own choice. But so many of us are prevented from changing our ways by blaming external circumstances or people or events for our problems… we create a scenario in our minds where we are powerless to change our environment and therefore cannot change ourselves, but this is a lie we tell ourselves. This can be hard to hear sometimes, especially if our situation is unpleasant.  Even if it’s not the case that your choices have brought about your current situation, taking responsibility for it empowers you to make the changes in your life to get out of your problems.  If you are under the burden of guilt from sin… stuck… taking responsibility will empower you to make the changes necessary for growth and progress.

Once we take full responsibility for our own situation, we are ready for change. Again, what we need to change is on the inside… our heart and mind — but how exactly do we do that?

The scriptures tell us the following:

Proverbs 3:1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:

Psalms 40:8  I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.

When I was a newly called Bishop, I needed to give counsel to someone who wanted to change their heart but didn’t know how. Before I gave that advice I happened to be in a Priesthood class and asked the following question of the group, “What would you say to someone who is wanting to do the right thing, but who’s heart is not in it yet.” President Senter gave a beautiful answer. He said “I’d say that’s a good start.” He went to explain that doing the right things, even out of duty with no emotion is still better than not doing the right thing at all. The right internal motivation will come with time. Eventually, through service to others and prayer, God will soften a person’s heart and they will experience the change of heart that is referred to in the scriptures. That advice has stuck with me since – I’d like that counsel to describe me, where my heart is softened and I experience that change of heart.

Rather than my practiced sinning, here’s what I want to be like.

Mosiah 5:2  And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.

So, we know that the Spirit of the Lord is the agent of change… true change in our heart.

I love this scripture from Ezekiel.

Ezekiel 36:25 – 27 Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

It comforts me to know that the Lord can make me a new heart… one that is not only pure and clean – which I know I get from baptism and partaking of the sacrament each week, but a heart that will purge my evil nature and make me want to do good continually. And perhaps I need to seek the Lord to do this continually because even a new heart is prone to wander back to forbidden paths if left unchecked. That is what the good news of the gospel and the power of the Lord’s Atonement can do in my life. This is why constant nourishment from the good word of the Lord is so important… My new heart needs nourishment so it can remain strong enough to overpower the natural man.

Does having a new heart and a new spirit mean I won’t be tempted any more… oh no. Temptation will always be there – especially since the adversary knows my personal weaknesses… he’ll keep hammering away at it, patiently waiting for it to break. He has all the time in the world. Even with a new heart, we need to wear the armor of God to protect our new heart… and what is the amour that protects our heart? The Breastplate of Righteousness. God has equipped us with all things necessary for our salvation – all we have to do is chose the right. We can take comfort in knowing that god won’t give us any challenge we cannot overcome.

 Paul said it this way: (1 Cor 10:13)  “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

I also like how Mother Teresa put it:

I know God will not give me anything that I can’t handle.
I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.
~Mother Teresa

One of my favorite hymns is “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”, which more than a great hymn is a beautiful poem from a desperate soul yearning for the Lord to help in changing his heart.

 

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I’m come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

This song was dissected line by line by the choice director of the Missionary Training Center as he taught us to sing from the heart. Now every time I hear or sing this hymn, I remember that I too want to heart to be bound like a fetter to the Lord. Heaven knows that my heart is prone to wander, but I too would have the Lord seal it for His courts above.

I’ve come to learn that “change is not easy”… and I don’t mean to say that as a cliché, I REALLY mean it – “CHANGE IS NOT EASY”… it’s really hard. I know this from experience from constantly trying to change myself.

Another issue to consider that can sometimes stop us from taking the steps we need to overcome sin and change depression stems from the obvious fact that everyone else at church seems to getting along very well and progressing towards perfect excellently… Some people come across as having it all together… But really it’s a facade–we all struggle with the same issues trying to be people we want to be– trying to change our carnal nature.

Consider someone you think is really righteous. We all know someone in the church who is really smart or who is an excellent speaker, or just seems super spiritual – at least on Sundays. I know who I think of when I think of that type of person.  This person may appear über-knowledgeable and experienced because of their knowledge or ability to speak… But in their mind and private life they are struggling the same as you and I. No one has it all together.. We all struggle with feelings of unworthiness and wonder if we’re on the right path enough to merit the eternal reward we want. It’s not easy overcoming that persistent natural man.

Now, I’ve used the word change a lot in this talk, but we all know the gospel word for this is “repent”. We all need to do it – and not just treat the symptoms. Treat the root cause. Again. it’s not easy, but the reward is a clear conscience and knowing that your life is in harmony with God’s plan – and that my friends is a SWEET deal. If you need help or have some serious sins to recover from – make an appointment with our good Bishop. He’s one of the best men I know and God has put him in place at this time in your life to help you get where you need to be. He will love you and help you.

I’ll conclude with a modification of a well known saying that applies to us.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” – Author Unknown

May God grant us the ability to change – may he make for us a new heart and a new spirit that we may have desires to do good continually is my prayer, the name of Jesus Christ, amen.